Augustana, help me!

I haven’t blogged in forever, but tonight I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest. I am, quite frankly, terribly horrified of the future. Yes, I know this is faithless, but it seems to be something I just can’t get over. It doesn’t help that when I think I’ve got plans all figured out, I question myself constantly, eventually killing the whole idea in the process of thinking it out.
I was thinking about the song Boston: “I think I’ll go to Boston, I think I’ll start a new life.” I’ve been creating this attitude of mine that I am so ready to get out of Bryant, and just start over where “no one knows my name.” But then again, I honestly question myself about whether or not I would be able to adapt to such an environment, being the homegrown boy I sadly am. I love my friends, freakishly more than I realize, because it is what I am used to, and I love comfort. It’s uncomfortable for me to sit around with people I don’t know, and try to act like I am trying to get to know them, when with all of my being I wish I was with my comfort friends. Wow, I am totally selfish.
Then, I try to argue that maybe it is just the type of people that ticks me off. For example (no hard feelings), it is difficult to meet country boys, private schoolers, and women (sigh.), so I say, if only it was soccer players, journalists, and women of my type, I could easily adapt and develop strong relationships.
That’s not life, that high school. Stuck on cliques, so strongly, and I do it without even thinking. People are people, I am determined to prove that theory into a law. Molding them into what they aren’t isn’t worth it, so I need to teach myself how to be community man without getting frustrated. I could just carry around a sweet Jesus-mask, complete with full beard, and ask anyone who looks hard to talk to wear it. Or I could grow up, soon.
So I’ll look to this school year with enthusiasm, not because I heart Bryant High School, but because I heart the Jesus in people. I plan on sitting with a different group of people every week, just so I can talk with other folks. Cuz you know, I think I am falling in love with Him, which means everyone around me. Even you, country boy.