Africa/Wherever You Are

Mission week at harding really got me excited for the possibility of going overseas. My mind would wander to an organic trip to Africa, one where everyday I am immersed by a culture and the work of being Christ’s servant. I feel like I could really thrive in this kind of environment. It only takes me a like a week to get used to a setting. For example college during the first week was pretty overwhelming but by the next week I had my schedule down.

But these kind of trips cost big money, money that I earn by working like twelve hours a week at minimum wage (I am not complaining about my job, I actually love it). It would take complete commitment and everywhere I turn in this college life there is more commitment: it is starting to add up. Classes, work, social clubs, friends and serving around Searcy. I don’t think I could just drop everything at this point in my life and go.

Unfortunately this isn’t how my mind operates. I want to escape. I find myself driving out to Riverside Park alone just to run and climb like a child. Responsibilities start to drive me crazy to where I feel like I will explode soon if I don’t get out. What am I running from? I am running from my rationalization. I tell myself that my problems will just suddenly disappear if I could just reach this part of life, the servant lifestyle. I say the world will just make sense when all my energy is directing toward missions.

I think I am just wanting to see God in His rawest form. Danger.

I poured all of this out to a good friend the other day and he helped me realize where I was at in my life. He thought maybe I was forgetting how much of a journey service happens to be. It is not a destination. It is more than medical missions in Africa. It is saying hello, how are you? to the postal man and really wanted to share with him. Discovering that God is inside all of us and helping everyone see the true reality.

What does all of this require? Patience.

God gave me the resources to learn at an amazing Christian university. I have been richly blessed yet, I want get out. The crazy thing is all the people in the places I want to escape to would give everything to come to America to get an education. It is selfish of me, really. Inside I am taking everything for granted. I still slack off in my studies because I want to just have fun; how can I act like this and still think I would thrive in Africa? I have been just bashing myself for being blessed and having money in my pockets. God gave me these materials for a reason. It is time that I start focusing my energy toward the journey and not the next point in my life.

I am going to pray for understanding and clarity of mind. I want to use every part of my education to better the world for Christ’s sake. My actions in school should reflect a servant’s heart. And not for me because this whole Christian thing, it is a spirit of community. None of this personal relationship stuff. I am losing myself in Jesus, who is reflected in the souls surrounding me.

Paul’s words to Timothy: Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith.

A Natural God

Lo, the poor Indian! whose untutored mind
Sees God in clouds, or hears him in the wind;
His soul, proud Science never taught to stray
Far as the solar walk, or milky way;
Yet simple Nature to his hope has given,
Behind the cloud-top hill, a humbler heaven;
Some safer world in depth of woods embraced,
Some happier island in the watery waste,
Where slaves once more their nature land behold,
No fiends torment, no Christians thirst for gold.
To Be, contents his natural desire,
He asks no Angel's wing, no Seraph's fire;
But thinks, admitted to that equal sky,
His faithful dog shall bear him company.

--A passage I really enjoyed from Alexander Pope's An Essay of Man

The Aboveground Movement

Sometimes the bible is overwhelming. I want to study each passage with intense investigation but i get boggled down by the massive scope I am dealing with. Every time I read a verse or hear a verse in a devotional I find it extremely insightful. But when does it end? When will I be able to comprehend and relate multiple contexts of the Bible together? I could spent hours on just one verse questioning God's words, trying to understand what they really mean in this period of history. When I think about this, I think I might be missing something important in other passages, like I am wasting time reflecting and probing. So in my bible time I often get frustrated and apprehensive. Jittery. Loose minded.

Then I came to Harding and my voice was quivering.

On top of the Ganus Athletic Center singing hymns to God in the cold breeze of the night. We were standing on Holy Ground.

It doesn't matter what I have gained for I can count it as nothing to the greatness of Christ. A Savior I can literally see move here at school. It scares me sometimes. The wholeness of it all. I was made for this. In a time of transition when I am struggling so much to find out my life's purpose I am handed experiences in worship, encouraging beyond measure. I can literally see God's kingdom coming down to Earth when I sing here at Harding. People wrestling from their toes to the soul. Sincere hearts searching for God's will no matter what path they are on---they are here for a reason.

I don't want it to stop. Normally I go to camps or retreats and return the next week to forget everything I obtained. I have four more years of college. Everyday here moves so slow but not in a bad way at all; instead because we do so much in one day that I lose track of the days. Only moments exist here.

My prayer is that I will press on in the showers of blessings and not forget the goal, to spread the joy we have in Christ. I am learning that there is unlimited energy in the spirit. I can do anything with this high. I know this life is one of suffering, but the times of great happiness in community can carry me through the battle in expectation of our life together in paradise.

Thoughts of a Consumer/Wake Up!

I am a consumer on the way to the mall. I will covet and discuss the latest entertainment products while families in Central America move to the mountains because their homes are destroyed by consumer infested minds. I had no idea how big of an impact each decision could make until i read "Serve God Save the Planet," and although it might not have served as a direct discussion of our global impact it got me out of my seat and probing about my lifestyle.

And it all makes perfect sense.

Jesus claimed it would be extremely difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Most of us don't profess to be rich but the fact is we are in worldly standards and for that I want to reconsider my material choices.

In the heart of Dallas is a really sad city. Everything appears happy on the outside because of the overwhelming commerce but i highly doubt that many people realize how they are just living in the fast lane that eventually leads to destruction. Because everything is bigger in Texas. Having everything available right in front of you digresses one of our essential needs in life: work. We can't savor what is good and what is hard since all of life flies by on the interstate of material malls and large SUV's.

Maybe if in the beginning we were to refocus our energy instead of relying on labor saving devices we would gain practical exhaustion that can bring peace, joy and understanding. We pay big bucks for a nice lawn mower that saves time, and then we pay a fee to work out with a piece of plastic to lose the gut. It just makes more sense to make the simple decision to labor a little bit more for what is necessary, then we can celebrate in our concentrated effort by using the left over money toward a healthy cause.

I want to begin my green journey in college. It is so hard for me to make choices and not press them upon others. I can get so frustrated with systems of living I am aware of. A recognition of poverty and hunger is evident in our society but most people can't grasp that environmental decision can affect world tribulations.

Maybe I am approaching the environment wrong form the start. It is not about discussing how we are destroying as a consumer but how we are continually journeying toward asking in everything living in line with God's will.

Not, how can we stop this?, but How can we begin this?

It appears those who are aware of our environmental problem believe that mass media trying to sell right and left is simply unavoidable. What if we focus on Christ's calling, so to redirect our attention to the central spiritual energy of the sanctity of life by revolving around the relationships we have with each other? We can never stop the river of false advertising but maybe we can find a quiet cove that can eventually dam up the flow of disaster. We can change the course of history. We can enlighten others of the joy of living simply, how it can avoid the pain of cultural competition.

I think a powerful step for me is the television. Thought I have never actually been much of a TV guy avoiding it all together and diverting my energy to different causes by turing it off could alter my heart by bounds. Satan twists messages in sometimes loud but more often subtle lines on TV and i think it affects me more than I realize. On our youth group's trip to Dallas, this abstinence created numerous opportunities for genuine conversation filled with the Spirit and gave us stronger ways to have fun. TV is just another search for happiness that cannot be obtained in Earthly fashion. My cellphone and even my iPod (gasp!) could be innovative ways to fast that might bring me closer to God.

Even in music i search for the next big artist, when in all reality it is just series of sounds mixed together. I can attain those feelings in nature without a desperate search. Music in its rawest form is an abstract idea and musical melody molded together for an emotionally important effect, so if those two things are in place what do upgrades matter? My parent's generation generally only remember a handful of bands these days. I want to live like that, like history is on the line.

Tonight I want to fall asleep to melody that carries over generations and sings the song of our Lord.

"Children, wake up! hold your mistakes up! before they turn the summer into dust.." --The Arcade Fire

Green Samaritans

I decided to wait and sleep on my blog yesterday, and I think it was a good thing. Today was an overwhelming flow of thoughts, so much that I had to list them as they hit me during the day. 
Lately my heart has been in the environment. I feel God calling me to examine my lifestyle and how it can reflect a healthier lifestyle that protects creation. It just so happens that the series I have been listening to through Mars Hill Church was called God is Green. The series has really made me pay closer attention to our society’s view of the environment. When I see someone litter or even just speed past me on their gas guzzling SUV I realize now that it is an environmental issue. But like most eco-issues their is a deeper problem. Most people believe the Earth is at their disposal. Regardless of what you believe (or rather understand, because it is facts) about global warming not caring about our world shows a disregard for our spiritual purpose. Say the ozone didn’t have a hole, or that greenhouse gases were simply obsolete. I still believe that recycling would need to be just as important because God commands us to care for the Earth numerous times even from the beginning in Jerusalem. The hebrew word from which we get “rule” refers also to that of a steward or servant. So God creates the Earth and humans in his own image, and He declares it to be good. The imagery of the garden as the place of purity appears to be a symbol of how the earth was created to be in the beginning before sin entered the world. And it is good. I am convinced that because God’s entire biblical narrative tells how we as humans are to further His kingdom, that the symbol of the garden is answer to our environmental questions. We ought to journey toward peace between people and the environmental as first described in the garden. 
Our society relies on the last overabundance like the fastest car or the biggest house. Everyone is trying to achieve success. The ultimate goal should be to further God’s kingdom and in my opinion it is a lot less trouble than scrambling to the top of the wealth ladder. In fact, when asked how to inherit eternal life Jesus plainly responds with love the Lord with all your heart, and love your neighbor as our self. What if the next story Jesus uses to define a neighbor covers a broader scope than just people, but actually loving our entire environment in a resourceful manner like the samaritan? I might be speculating but Jesus could be speaking about a overall lifestyle revolving around always looking for opportunities to serve. The samaritan, using the necessary supplies like bandages and money for he innkeeper provided for another man’s needs in order to  serve God. This relates to how I want to live. I want to possess only the materials I need to serve my Lord. If that means cutting back on my possessions like how the samaritan used his own money to provide, then I want to reconsider my choices in why I have the things I have. Everything I own should be at the disposal of my Lord. Do I really that extra t shirt when I have twenty others that already do the job of clothing myself? Then I think about the real issue. My wanting new clothes reveals a lack of confidence in myself that I need fabrics of new colors and design to keep satisfaction in my own mind and among my peers. It goes back to the overabundance. Most of the supplies I think I cannot do without I can do without. 
Occasionally when I hear the church examine the environmental issues apathy rings true. We just don’t have time to worry about these topics. It is not just about trees and oceans. It stems back to our clutter filled lifestyles rampaging in the fast lane with CO2 gases emitting behind us. Maybe environmental indifference is only a side effect of the real issue of losing the heart of the good samaritan. 
“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed” ---Ghandi


Sorry if that was a stream of conscience.. and I only got like a fourth of my list so more to come. 

In the Backseat

I happened to encase the real me on our mission trip. But the understanding that came with sacrificing my time and effort kind of started to scare me. In a way, I had been living a lie by living spiritually unhealthy. For example, not until I got back from Mexico did I somewhat realize the power that could come from praying on my knees. The actual physical position places one into a surreal, holy mood and concentration followed by reflection bellows over with vulnerability. It might even be emotional.

A word we like to skip here in Male America. Emotion.

Or rather, I like to skip.

It is much easier to just avoid getting in the messy, murky place of emotional vulnerability. I am not talking about those emo cliques, I am talking about a powerful Holy Spirit that sensually draws us to the alter. What if my spirituality was so captivating, so obsessive that I could not help but be overwhelming with emotion from the overflow of God’s grace and blessings?

I see this clearly in my grandparents. My grandpa can choke up just talking about relationships he has made that clearly define God’s spirit moving through the world. Just the other day, for example, my grandma teared and told me how much she yearned for heaven, and in the same tears, commanded me to celebrate at her funeral.

The first night in El Paso I drew a sketch of the scene painted in front of my solo time. I drew the road leading to the border and described my thoughts of what I was entering and what I was leaving behind. I was leaving my state of peace for a fearfully position, and uncomfortable and challenging road ahead.

“I like the peace; in the back seat.

I don’t have to drive,

I don’t have to speak.”

Then calamity struck when it was most important. I made a list of all the baggage I needed to leave at the steps of America: fear, worry, doubt, confusion, judgement, misconception, flippancy and sarcasm. Even the mountains, with all of their desert brute appeared to shelter me from Mexico.

Mexico taught me to jump into the water. I realized their were so many things in the world I did not know. I felt helpless. The basic form of communication and understanding, language, stripped away. The simplest little concepts could not be conveyed. But the most important, and for that matter intense, emotions passed all language barriers. The drug effect of a hug still remained.

“I’ve been learning to drive,

my whole life!”

The internal struggle and realization taught me how to feel emotion again. It can’t be formulated into tiny calculations, where if one person says one thing another person will give the appropriate response. Pretty robotic.

But I would rather just enjoy the peace, of the backseat. If I gave my heart to the Spirit’s calling it might be dangerously emotional. I might have to learn new things and admit my ignorance. Admit that I’ve been learning to drive life, my whole life---but at least I am willing to take the risk and learn to follow His steps.

Because of the Times

C.S. Lewis, in his Screwtape Letters, writes from the viewpoint of a devil teaching how to trap humans into a lifestyle of sin. Speaking of the ‘Enemy’, or our God, one devil writes this:

“The Enemy loves platitudes. Of a proposed course of action He wants men, so far as I can see, to ask very simple questions: Is it righteous? Is it prudent? Is it possible? Now, if we can keep men asking: Is it in accordance with the general movement of our time? Is it progressive or reactionary? Is this the way that History is going? They will neglect the relevant questions.”

Too often I get swept away with how I can approach the general Christian ‘movement’ with a new mindset. I challenge ideas all of the time and sometimes I only toss these things in my head so it will directly relate to our culture and to my needs, selfishly assuming what I need appeals to everyone. Lewis brings up a brilliant point that reminded me of the real questions I should be asking which depend on God for understanding through prayer and reflection.

I happen to be a super analytical person---I do consider it my weakness when it comes to spirituality. I judge my environment obsessively that occasionally I can’t even enjoy the simply encouragements like a sincere worship service. I want my version of Church, and Christianity for that matter, to be continually evolving. Maybe I am missing the point when I wrestle like this, because I forget that God is in fact everlasting and spiritual history as a way of making a point. Rich discernment focused on God’s will appears to be the way to discover how we should evolve, not how the media is reacting to our Time.

Jesus Christ was the ultimate radical who changed the Jewish way of thinking forever. But he didn’t just shatter the law, the old way of doing things; he built on them, keeping the foundation that God placed for his grand plan. Jesus never broke Jewish law given by God (as our pastor pointed out today, for example, the rules for the Sabbath were created by man). His respect for the law, while preaching new concepts (not commandments) gives us an illustration of how to handle change. Accordingly, I long to mirror my thoughts like Christ when it comes to the ‘post-modern’ church or whatever they are calling it these days. In Mexico I saw real love’s timeless power and it makes our arguments over spiritual preferences look ridiculous.

May the American version of church revolve around the solid vision of Christ and not how our wobbly society develops.